~meth

since 2006, not 2001

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just blues and grays

Sat Sep 12, 2009, 6:47 PM

oh look

i haven't produced any "art" for months
i only ever came on here to be weird

but im not weird anymore

well
no
i am
but i try to be less public about being weird

i try to be less public in general and have reverted back to my ignorepeopleatallcosts attitude, i just want a holiday from noises and bodies and movement and how are you?s and howisyoursummer?s and weneverreallytalkanymore....s

ohhh im getting weird again, i need to buy an excercise book and scribble the shit out of it

lol did i just threaten an exercise book?

anyway.. what?
ohyeah

I need to get off my arse and start creating and stop being weird
and see a dr.. and probably a dentist.. and an optician

tho, fun story
about a month ago I went along the opticians and nearly passed out 'cus i hadn't eaten, barely slept and the back of my eye was grossing me out (yakno where they shine a light back there and you can see the veins(?)) it was JUST like this [link]
the optician being Glenn Beck and i being David Buckner. we were also discussing Obama's "path to destruction" aswell, odd.

my friends are no fun, none have heard of Beck, Limbaugh or even fox news.

seen that episode of sarah silverman program where she gets high and calls herself? i've been recording conversations between a drunk me and my friend stephen, apparently i don't think highly of the pyramids and i can hear my dad in me. i knooooow "you're not your father" but you are 50% of him and thats undeniable.

ok one last thing just so its off my mind...
to answer an earlier question, here is how my summer has been...
ive seen things that have made me ..apathethic
things where im just like "so?"
like the piercing sounds of jack screaming at my dad to stop hitting his mother.
or the way he throws huge tantrums everytime someone leaves the house because everyone has threatened to fuck off so many times he has no trust in us when we say we'll be back.
or the image of my father holding a knife staggering, stinking, screaming.. n we lock him in a room so he doesn't disturb whatever tv show is on in the next room.
or the fact i heard that fucker claim that i'm who i am because he beat me as a child. if im a success its down to his drunken ass? him throwing me out the house at 12 yr old and leaving me on my mother's doorstop hoping she was still awake so i wasn't locked out in the middle of the fucking night. perhaps they should put that in the curriculum to build children's characters? (my father is a school teacher btw)

how does a person become apathetic to a child's crying? some nights i can look at jack and feel nothing but the annoyance that his crying is drowning my itunes. some days i just get so angry .. at irrelevant things, things that happened months ago but for whatever reason jump into my mind and i turn to my left.. and there's jack. there's my release for anger. and if i was to record my actions and view them back they'd most definiately make me ill.. or i wouldn't care. because thats my normality, thats why my father doesn't care because thats his normality.. and his father before him. and for my son? i dunno. there's no much violence in this house. in all of us, there's not a single person here who hasnt swung a punch at another of us. it's exhausting. anyway..

i wonder what made it so easy for me to disown my own mother but this man, the same man who for a day acted as if i was literally invisble cus i let slip he smacked me to a teacher in primary school.. he still has my loyalty

ah i ended up being weird again

nevermind.. we all need a release whether its in spoken word or written
image or sound
relationship or substance

so thats my summer, thats how i've been, thats why we don't talk anymore and thats why i need to start creating again....

sorry for my poor writing. i write as things come to mind.

11 Comments

Mood: Hurt
Listening to: P.O.S.
Reading: journals and deviations

unknown muslim protest

Sun Mar 22, 2009, 1:58 PM

I was back home (my w.yorks home) this weekend, visiting a friend, and whilst approaching the train station I came head to head, literally, with a protest march. Quickly got some phone-cam shots;

1.* 2. & 3.
_{* His sign says "Love for Hummanity what you love for yourself"
** The men carrying orange bags have sweeties in there
*** Check out the fat kid looking at me, lol}

I'm not entirely sure what they were protesting for, to be honest with you when I first saw the row of Imams (muslim priest) leading the march yelling into megaphones I expected the worst, from both the protesters and "on lookers" but they were happy to have me walk along side of them and shoot some film photographs at a closer distance, and the pedestrians let 'em do their thing, at least for the 10 or 15 minutes I was with them. The people in their photographs are all men because the women were following behind them in vechicles.

I asked the old man (white beard, glasses) what was happening but all I could make out was "bratfud" (Bradford) and he carried on handing out STRAWBERRY quality street chocolates. nicely played old muslim man. I couldn't hear clarity in their yelling from the music they were playing over themselves, through an old skool ghetto blaster.

I also managed to record a 'Jesus Rap' in Manchester city centre yesterday morning, also on my way to the train station. By that I mean I was recording Christian demonstrators rapping about Jesus, I wasn't recording a Jesus rap single or anything... although....

_{_{and I sent a mothers day card (it's progress)}}

3 Comments

Mood: Lazy
Listening to: sundowner

irish people and other observations

Tue Mar 17, 2009, 5:23 PM

_{My friend Amar has never experienced St.Patricks day before, coming from the sober country of Pakistan, sober of both alcohol and Irishness, wasn't aware of the err.. holiday? Plus since he broke (I use that term very loosely) his arm he doesn't leave the house so he never saw any signs, leaflets or leprechauns so it was pushed onto him quite suddenly and the utter fear he must've felt at such a spectacle is unimaginable. Similar to the haunting clips they show on charity adverts I imagine, everything in greyscale with Jeff Buckley as a backing track. In slo mo.

When I recieved the phone call Amar had taken refuge in his house, observing from his 4th floor kitchen window, astonished at what he described as "insane half naked people painted green". I, as any good friend would do, decided to feed his fear by acting equally baffled.

"Oh wow. They must be on drugs. Definitely. It's definitely drugs. Stay away, it's really dangerous."

I then explained that in the UK, we have industrial drugs. Hallucinating drugs that cause the human mind to seek the colour of green as it represented nature and a primitive, more comforting state .. that somehow also means you have to wear massive hats. Then I got stuck and couldn't bullshit about giant green hats (who could?). Then I had to hand the phone over to me housemate, who is from Northern Ireland, and was off his face.. and still is atm, to explain the situation. But Amar can't understand the Irish accent let alone a drunk, contemplating Irish accent..
Then I briefly heard "What, Daniel has drugs that makes you see trees?"

Anyway, I missed st.patricks day because I was asleep, I took so many stimulants during the day that I crashed very badly and literally felt like a walking bag of shit. My friend Sam refuses to celebrate it because nobody cares about St.David (thats the dude of Wales) and the Welsh are really sensitive about stuff like that. And everything else.
_{(Wales is a country attached to England, by the way).}
His heart broke when he was bragging about Wales having the fastest powerplant in the UK, and I replied "THATS because they have the slowest people though" and he had to leave the room he was so mad.

WHY IS IT SO DAMN WARM?!? I've been boiling for about a week, I dunno if its me.. it's march, it's Britain... it has to be me doesn't it? I think if the temperature was warm it would've been on the news by now though.}

5 Comments

Mood: It's Hot
Drinking: suspicially cloudly tap water

art is demanding man

Tue Mar 10, 2009, 7:25 PM

_{im soooo swamped at the moment.. I don't know if it's cool to say swamped anymore.. erm..

anyway at the moment I have so many things fighting for my attention, yet I still manage to waste hours doing pointless activities. if I direct my list into the universe it should somehow make it easier.

-I'm in the middle of three books..
(the classic) "Catch 22" by Joeseph Heller that someone handed me aaaages ago and I'm still only a third through.
"Choke" by Chuck P (cus I wanna see the film after)
and "Persepolis" by Marjane Satrapi 'cus I saw the film based off the graphic novel and thought it was quite funny. I'm almost finished there 'cos graphic novels go weeee.

-My list of films on lovefilm.com is at 33, eeeek... with two titles currently at home.

-There's a film festival this week I'm trying to attend as much as possible, and I'll rent the titles I miss.

-I have to write a backlog (is that a thing?) and reviews of all the exhibitions and design lectures I've attended since Christmas, for my journal.

-FOUR uni assignments.. virtually none started all with looming deadlines.

-A couple of albums I've had awhile and haven't listened to properly yet. Including Propagandhi's new album

-Exhibitions running that I haven't attended yet.

-Found out there's a bar in Manchester that screens "freaky" or banned films FOR FREE on Sunday nights.

-Bought a new fish-eye lense for my Holga.
-Have 3 unused films, one expiring in June eek.

aaaaand I'm playing GTA San Andreas for the billionth time. If the government charged men to play video games by the hour there would be no credit crunch.
I'm swapping art, music and film for 4 hours of blowing shit up in a tank. it's genetic, I can't help it...
(ohmygod I played skate 2 on my friend's xbox 360. I NEED AN XBOX 360. SERIOUSLY.)

all this yet I still have mass amounts of free time. I think not sleeping is not good OR it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.}

31 Comments